I had lived in a state of depression far too long, finally after becoming sick and tired of feeling sick in tired, I made a decision. I had known the Lord for years, or so I thought.
Truth of the matter was, I didn't know the Lord at all, I just knew of him and what I had heard others say. Some of what I heard I truly believed while other things, I guess I just thought I believed, and yet some of what I heard I couldn't even imagine how it could at all be true.
Could a God so good, just, and perfect, love someone like me? Romans 7:24" O wretched man that I am! who will deliver me from this body of death."
I had done so much that wasn't good, I had been unjust, unforgiving, unloving and all the other things which did not please God. How could he love me? How could he forgive me? Why would he even listen to someone like me? In my thought process I needed to get myself together before I could even approach him seeking forgiveness, let alone his love, but how could I get together, where would I start? I had been this way for so long. Romans 7:19" For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.
Then he brought to my remembrance, John 3:16"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." I believed in Jesus and who he was, but I needed to know him, not know of him, but know him for myself. I needed a relationship with him. John 8:12 "...I am the light of the world. He who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life." I was not following the Lords example, I wasn't following his instructions. I was doing my own thing, my own way not thinking about the commitment I had made in my earlier years publicly in the church, declaring him as my Lord and savior. All this time I only made him my savior, but in order for me to experience LIFE, the good abundant life he gave me. I needed to allow him to be my Lord, I needed to give up my plans, and my ideas of what I though was living, and allow the light he provided for me to see the way, as he directed my path to real life. When I received that revelation, I was truly free from depression, shame guilt and all those things that had weighed me down, and kept me from living.
John 8:32 "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." Praise God! I am now free to truly live,
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